Yes, this is really me, the RawFoodCowgirl
It's been two years since I've posted on this blog, and have I been busy...
There really is too much to tell you about in one post to get you up to date on the incredible life changing events that have come into my life.
Some of the things that happened to me were good, honest! From April 1, 2014 until January 2015 my life was actually heading in a very healing and healthy direction. I finally left my now ex-husband and had moved to Sedona, Arizona. I worked at a place I loved, doing a job I was born to do. Yet the stress of that job was incredibly demanding of me and although I was incredible at doing the job I was unable to care for MYSELF while working. My health started deteriorating after about six months and I just powered through it because that's what I thought I was supposed to do.
In mid January, after several illnesses that put me in bed for weeks at a time, I finally went for help with my lack of energy and vitality. It was recommended that I needed to eat meat again to save my adrenals and my health. At that point in my life I was looking to grasp onto anything to help me keep my energy and the job I loved, and so after all those years, I went back to meat. Not just occasionally, but DAILY. The weird thing is that at first I did feel tons more energy.
Not long after I started eating meat, the weight started and it just keeps creeping up more and more everyday. After awhile the meat led to dairy, bread, sweets and next thing I knew I was eating SAD again. Several times I would try juicing but my 'taste' for green juices has disappeared. My joy for life also disappeared and I no longer cared about the weight or what I ate. I couldn't get the energy up to do the job I loved let alone the WILL to go into work. My whole system, body, mind and spirit were just off. In the past year and a half I've not only not cared about what goes into my body but the amount of alcohol I've consumed has been... well, I don't even want to think about it.
It's not surprising that around the time I quit caring about life, a very dear man that I loved with my whole heart passed away. A man that looked to be in perfect physical health on the outside but on the inside, his blood literally was cancerous. This man lifted weights, exercised DAILY, ate incredibly well if not too much meat and not enough vegetables if you'd have asked me. When a man that looked healthy and yet died in less than two years of being diagnosed... well, not only was my heart broken but my whole world was turned upside-down. My own will to live kinda seemed to die with him.
In four days, it will be the first anniversary of my love's passing. In nine days my youngest son, my baby will join the Army and head to Basic Training.
In twenty days I will have lived in Kimball for a year, something I never thought would happen. It was only supposed to be a stop off to something better and yet I am hiding here, wishing with most passing days that I would just not wake up.
Today I did not wake up with the intention of deciding to live. It is literally because it is May 1st that I've decided to choose LIFE. The month, the dates, shoot, I went RAW VEGAN the first time May 7, 2007. Everything about this month suggests change for me. BEGS FOR CHANGE AND LIFE.
And so... Here I go.
The plan is to go on a LIQUID ONLY FAST for the entire calendar month of May, if not longer. Fresh made green juices, lots of water and herbal teas (I just happened to have bought a case of Tulsi Detox Tea last week). That's it really. Oh, lots of WALKING, assuming the weather behaves. Now I know there are those of you out there that will disagree with my liquid only choice and that's okay. I know what I need to do. I know what I did nine years ago that literally saved my life and that's what I'm going to do again. Nine years ago - I believe - I did 45 days of juices and smoothies. So I will start with thirty days of juicing and then switch to two weeks of smoothies followed by 100% raw. That's the plan. It's all I've got to hold onto anymore. I've got to find the health, the energy, the strength and the vitality to LIVE and to get myself out of the rut I'm in.
So... I'm headed into the kitchen to clean it, fill up some boxes and take the SAD food to the food pantry and make a list of veggies I need to buy when I go out of town tomorrow.
Wish me Luck... and LIFE <3 p="">3>